5 Stages of Grief and How to Go Through Them

Grieving is a process. Everyone grieves differently, depending on the nature of loss, and who you are as a person. Grieving over the tragic loss of someone dear to you is also called bereavement.

What is grief?

Grief is a person’s psychological and natural response to the loss of someone. Or something dear. That loss may cause intense sadness or deep feelings of loneliness.

Grief comes in many forms. It includes physiological and psychological symptoms in reaction to the bereavement. And these responses can change as time goes by.

5 stages of grief

Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief in her book “On Death and Dying” in 1969, which is based on her study conducted on terminally ill patients, and their feelings about it.

The Kübler-Ross model has been widely criticized because people have misunderstood the psychiatrist.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross also clarifies that people don’t (have to) move from one stage to get to the next, or might not even go through all of these five stages while grieving.

The 5 stages of grief

1. Denial

The first stage is the denial stage. Even if you know someone has already passed and isn’t coming back anymore, acceptance is still far from sight. You still can’t/don’t want to let go. Some people still “see” someone who has died. Still feel the presence, or even hear his/her voice. You feel numb, unmindful of what’s going on around you.

2. Anger

Death, like a thief that it is, suddenly snatches away someone with whom you’ve made plans with, or have spent a life without a hint. So you feel angry and betrayed, which is a natural reaction. Anger is directed either towards the person or at yourself. You feel guilty for things you did or have failed to do before the person died.

3. Bargaining

Bargaining starts when you make deals with yourself, in exchange for a favor or something. Like you promise yourself you’re not going to smoke anymore if only your x-ray results turn out alright. Or sometimes with God or a higher power if you have religious or spiritual beliefs. Believing that if you act differently, you’ll feel better, or things will get better.

It’s also common to find yourself repeatedly going over things that happened before, and asking “why me” and  “what if” questions. Thinking that if you could go back, things could have turned out differently.

4. Depression

Profound sadness and longing are often associated with grief. The pain brought about by these feelings can come in waves and they’re so intense they can drag over for months or even years. You feel life no longer holds any meaning.

5. Acceptance

Your intense emotions begin to stabilize at this particular stage. Coming to terms with the “new reality” that you can’t walk anymore and you’re probably going to die sitting in a wheelchair. Or accepting the possibility of you getting old alone because unfortunately, you haven’t found the right one for you.

Situations that the faint-hearted would perhaps walk away from. But it’s okay. You got to believe it’s going to be okay. Maybe not today, but the next. There’s a life behind that wheelchair, and you’re not that old yet to give up on finding Mr. Right.

Symptoms of acute grief

• Indescribable sadness

• Deep longing – wanting to be with the person you lost   •Constant remembering of memories of the person

• Anxiety

• Irritability

• Anger

• Loss of sleep

These thoughts and feelings are a natural response to a loss. However, grief is different from clinical depression. It doesn’t require any clinical diagnosis, although the two share similar symptoms.

Grief is a personal experience, it can mean differently for different people. And there’s absolutely no right or wrong way for the grieving person to mourn for what’s lost.

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